Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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