My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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