its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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