My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
