how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize