I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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