it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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