Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
