i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
