I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
