get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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