My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
