no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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