yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm like, not good at living.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
