honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
