I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
