apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
