And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
