he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
