i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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