woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
