I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So much rum. So many feels.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
