Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there is glitter all over my balls
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize