This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He better not be in your backpack
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
