he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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