lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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