It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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