Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
