shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You left your phone here
Wait...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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