I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
