The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You took a bar mat shot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
