don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
