she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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