i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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