You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
