Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
