yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
