I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
