I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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