apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
