Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The power of my boobs compel you
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
