You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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