Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
