so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
