the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
