I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
