i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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