You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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