her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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