You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize