Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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