so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
