im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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