Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
