Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.

Fav 16 6028 1746
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(502): View more from Kentucky

im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.

(773): View more from Illinois

Stop texting me, I'm right here.

Fav 8 5697 1769
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(315): View more from New York

That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

Fav 35 1171 4689
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(740): View more from Ohio

the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.

Fav 25 8248 1708
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well

Fav 20 1704 5612
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(714): View more from California

Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.

Fav 8 2107 4001
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(334): View more from Alabama

How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.

Fav 11 4314 1177
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(301): View more from Maryland

I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth

Fav 7 904 797
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(703): View more from Virginia

dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.

Fav 0 26 37
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