im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
