Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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