It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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