I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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