He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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