His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
