Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
