i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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