they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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