It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
