On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize