he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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