I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
