That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
