it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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