I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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