do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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