then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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