these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
