I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
