Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
