I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
