Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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