Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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