I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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