corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
