My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
smell my finger.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
