Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
