I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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