so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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