she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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