the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize