my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
