he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
