I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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