Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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