the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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