why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
