Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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