I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
