hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
